marriage and the little voice

marriage and the little voice

I was recently exposed to an amazing new teaching. It relates to the brain and that little voice in our minds. It would seem that the major task of the brain is to keep us safe. To protect us. Interestingly enough, I learnt this at a financial seminar (T Harv Eker’s Millionaire Mind Intensive) and also at a presentation seminar (T Harv Eker’s Train the Trainer).

We are largely empty when we are born. You can teach a child any language on earth. We are essentially programmed by our parents, our siblings, our culture, our society, our friends. The politics and religion of our parents usually become ours. We learn about money from our parents and they were probably our first examples of marriage too. The brain is like an air-conditioners thermostat. If you program an air-conditioner for 22 degrees, it will warm up when the room hits 20 degrees and cools down when it hits 24. We are the same. According to Harv, we have a financial blueprint which keeps us limited. He and others in this field assert that you will never earn more than your self-image (what you believe you are worth). It is the brain and THE LITTLE VOICE that holds us back. The same is true for marriage. Man, there are so many negative beliefs surrounding marriage. When I told one of my acquaintances that I was getting married he suggested I take an aspirin and I would feel better in the morning. There are so many paradigms associated with marriage:

  • Another one bites the dust
  • Another good man gone
  • 50% of marriages fail
  • Men are all bastards, they all cheat on their wives
  • She is lovely now but she will turn into a bitch in 5 years’ time
  • Women are controlling and husbands are hen-pecked
  • Love is blind
  • Rod Steward is claimed to have said, “Whenever I feel the urge to get married, I find a strange woman and give her my house. That’s the eventual outcome of marriage”.

These are all examples of the little voice. Warning you against marriage. Trying to keep you safe from heartache.

Your little voice will re-enforce your paradigms during marriage too:

  • She is bossy
  • He love work more than me
  • She is a nag
  • He would rather play golf than spent time with me. You see. He does not love me.
  • She always ………………
  • He always ……………….
  • She just spends money without thinking
  • He is such a miser
  • She hates my friends
  • He hates my mother

Your little voice needs to be managed. Winners react and make decisions based on their vision and mission, losers listen to their little voices and do nothing. Marriage is a choice. Don’t allow your little voice to ruin yours.

This is an excerpt from the book, “So you’re married, now what?

Written by the marriage expert, Stephen van Basten


About Stephen van Basten - The Marriage Expert

When you meet Stephen van Basten you instantly realize that there is more to him than meets the eye. This is not a moment to judge a book by its cover. Stephen boasts a list of achievements: He met his wife, Jacqui, 27 years ago, married her 21 years ago and is the proud father of a 'very together' 18 year old daughter. Stephen will immediately tell you with a twinkle in his eye, that Life, Work, Marriage and Parenthood are not for sissies. That while they are all hard work, they can be, and should be, incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Stephen is a past Karate World Champion, a yoga enthusiast and recovering golfer. If you opened Trip Advisor on his facebook page you will see that he has visited 81 cities in 52 countries including the USA, Alaska, Japan, Europe, Australia and China. Stephen has owned his own company, worked in his family's business, being employed by small and large businesses like Shell SA and the BTG Group. His titles include Brand Manager, Sales Manager, Account Manager, Sales Representative and Business Owner. He now sees himself as an Author, Speaker, Trainer and Coach. Stephen published his first book, "So you're engaged, now what? The journey from engaged to married" in December 2013. His ingenious marketing strategy put this book into over 2000 hands in its first 6 months. His second book "So you're alive, now what? The journey from birth to death" is available online and he is working on 5 more books in the series including "So you're married, now what?". Stephen's obvious passion and first love is Human Behavior and specifically Human Behavior as it manifests in RELATIONSHIPS. He is quick to point out that we have many differing relationships: employer, employees, customers, suppliers, colleagues, friendships, marriage, parents, siblings, children, our maker, other drivers on the roads and we generally have issues in most if not all of them. Stephen is a student of the well-known human behavior specialist, Dr. John Demartini and is constantly researching and honing his understanding of this incredibly complex subject. In 2013 he completed over 175 hours of intense training on T. Harv Eker's signature courses.
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