Entitlement vs Fulfillment

Entitlement vs Fulfilment


We certainly are living in interesting times. The world is in such turmoil. Old paradigms being challenged every day. Some violently some peacefully.


Currently one of the ugly words out there (especially in SA) is ENTITLEMENT. I want to share my take on this from a human-behaviour and meaning-of-life perspective.

As human beings we all seem to have entitlement issues. We believe we are entitled to married parents. To an easy life. To having both parents present in our lives. To a job, a house, annual increases and regular promotions at work. We believe we are entitled to a loving, caring spouse and a marriage that somehow just works without any effort. We think everyone must like us, that people will behave like we do. That other cultures must fit into our societal paradigm. We believe that no one SHOULD ever lie to us, steal from us or embezzle our pensions.  We believe we have a right to loyalty, honesty and fidelity from our friends, family and spouses. We believe that we are entitled to our God given 3 score and 10 years (70). That no-one should ever bury a child. We believe that our lives should just flow and the universe must just provide.


We are entitled to a full life. A life full of happiness and despair. Filled with ecstasy and depression. Good times and bad. Fulfilled and unfulfilled. The truth is that as humans we are entitled to the FULL ambit of life experiences. Gut wrenching grief AND moments our hearts could burst with joy. The truth is that some people will love you and others will hate you. That you will love some and hate others. The truth is that most of your achievements will come from actions that you have initialled and acted upon. The truth is that most of your failures will come from actions that you have initialled and acted upon too.

You are entitled to feedback. Negative feedback tells you that you are out of sync with authenticity. Positive feedback tells you that you are in sync with authenticity. Your mastery will come from constant tweaking, constant trial-and-error. Doing more of what works and less of what does not.

You are entitled to balance. When you are egotistical the universe will pull you down. When you are down-in-the-dumps it will conspire to lift you up. You will be arrogant and humble and then grateful when this occurs.

When you start following your internal compass and tweak accordingly, constantly improving, you start to live in a state of grace. A state of fulfilment.

When you are doing more of what you love and less of what you hate, you build your self-confidence and positive self-image. You create health, wealth and fulfilment.

When you are doing more of what you hate and less of what you love, you kill your self-confidence and create negative self-image. If you do enough of this you will probably get ill and shorten your life span (and hate life while you wait to die).

Fulfilment is a chemically induced state. It is the result of an internal chemical reaction. It is created when you live a life filled with the things you truly love and appreciate. When you sub-contract the things you really dislike doing to someone who actually loves doing them.

Most importantly, it is a state achieved by yourself for yourself. It’s not your parent’s duty. It’s not your government’s duty. It’s not your Boss’s duty. Nobody wakes up every morning to fulfil your needs. Only you can create that.



What I love about you is that you speak the God Honest Truth whether people appreciate it or not. Yes, you are provocative, but that’s what forces us to grow. In this day of Political Correctness and double-speak, you are a beautiful breath of fresh air. Just the God Honest Truth. Thank you.

Charlotte Du Plessis – Founder of Woman of Substance after my talk on FULFILLMENT


About Stephen van Basten - The Marriage Expert

When you meet Stephen van Basten you instantly realize that there is more to him than meets the eye. This is not a moment to judge a book by its cover. Stephen boasts a list of achievements: He met his wife, Jacqui, 27 years ago, married her 21 years ago and is the proud father of a 'very together' 18 year old daughter. Stephen will immediately tell you with a twinkle in his eye, that Life, Work, Marriage and Parenthood are not for sissies. That while they are all hard work, they can be, and should be, incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Stephen is a past Karate World Champion, a yoga enthusiast and recovering golfer. If you opened Trip Advisor on his facebook page you will see that he has visited 81 cities in 52 countries including the USA, Alaska, Japan, Europe, Australia and China. Stephen has owned his own company, worked in his family's business, being employed by small and large businesses like Shell SA and the BTG Group. His titles include Brand Manager, Sales Manager, Account Manager, Sales Representative and Business Owner. He now sees himself as an Author, Speaker, Trainer and Coach. Stephen published his first book, "So you're engaged, now what? The journey from engaged to married" in December 2013. His ingenious marketing strategy put this book into over 2000 hands in its first 6 months. His second book "So you're alive, now what? The journey from birth to death" is available online and he is working on 5 more books in the series including "So you're married, now what?". Stephen's obvious passion and first love is Human Behavior and specifically Human Behavior as it manifests in RELATIONSHIPS. He is quick to point out that we have many differing relationships: employer, employees, customers, suppliers, colleagues, friendships, marriage, parents, siblings, children, our maker, other drivers on the roads and we generally have issues in most if not all of them. Stephen is a student of the well-known human behavior specialist, Dr. John Demartini and is constantly researching and honing his understanding of this incredibly complex subject. In 2013 he completed over 175 hours of intense training on T. Harv Eker's signature courses.
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