MArriage vows and the divorce rate

I am often confronted by the beauty of the wedding vows and the cold reality of the current divorce rate.

I have often wondered if in fact, the wedding vows may be part of the problem. You see, we vow to stay with our partner in good times and bad. No matter what. In a way giving them licence to do whatever they want because we have vowed to GOD to stay with them in good times or bad.

I felt inspired to write some new ones. I shared them with Jax tonight:


I Stephen, take you Jacqui, to be my lawfully wedded wife.

I promise to honour, trust and love you.

I promise to continue to get to know you and never to stop courting you.

I promise to communicate with you, get present with you often and spend time with you, in short, to value the partnership we are creating today.

I promise to express my needs clearly and undertake to understand and fulfil yours.

I promise to keep the home fire’s burning, always choosing you over all others and make you see by my actions that you are my number one.

Right now, I don’t know how I would react to you being unfaithful, getting into any major addictions, losing your ambition or gambling all our money away. I would so prefer not to find out.

I promise to be a beautiful balancing mechanism in our relationship and a catalyst for ongoing growth.

I take our relationship, this marriage and our friendship seriously.

I commit to enjoying the good times, working through the bad and seeing the marriage through to the end.

Above all else, I promise to be yours as we journey through the adventure called life, together.


About Stephen van Basten - The Marriage Expert

When you meet Stephen van Basten you instantly realize that there is more to him than meets the eye. This is not a moment to judge a book by its cover. Stephen boasts a list of achievements: He met his wife, Jacqui, 27 years ago, married her 21 years ago and is the proud father of a 'very together' 18 year old daughter. Stephen will immediately tell you with a twinkle in his eye, that Life, Work, Marriage and Parenthood are not for sissies. That while they are all hard work, they can be, and should be, incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Stephen is a past Karate World Champion, a yoga enthusiast and recovering golfer. If you opened Trip Advisor on his facebook page you will see that he has visited 81 cities in 52 countries including the USA, Alaska, Japan, Europe, Australia and China. Stephen has owned his own company, worked in his family's business, being employed by small and large businesses like Shell SA and the BTG Group. His titles include Brand Manager, Sales Manager, Account Manager, Sales Representative and Business Owner. He now sees himself as an Author, Speaker, Trainer and Coach. Stephen published his first book, "So you're engaged, now what? The journey from engaged to married" in December 2013. His ingenious marketing strategy put this book into over 2000 hands in its first 6 months. His second book "So you're alive, now what? The journey from birth to death" is available online and he is working on 5 more books in the series including "So you're married, now what?". Stephen's obvious passion and first love is Human Behavior and specifically Human Behavior as it manifests in RELATIONSHIPS. He is quick to point out that we have many differing relationships: employer, employees, customers, suppliers, colleagues, friendships, marriage, parents, siblings, children, our maker, other drivers on the roads and we generally have issues in most if not all of them. Stephen is a student of the well-known human behavior specialist, Dr. John Demartini and is constantly researching and honing his understanding of this incredibly complex subject. In 2013 he completed over 175 hours of intense training on T. Harv Eker's signature courses.
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