Author Archives: Stephen van Basten - The Marriage Expert

About Stephen van Basten - The Marriage Expert

When you meet Stephen van Basten you instantly realize that there is more to him than meets the eye. This is not a moment to judge a book by its cover. Stephen boasts a list of achievements: He met his wife, Jacqui, 27 years ago, married her 21 years ago and is the proud father of a 'very together' 18 year old daughter. Stephen will immediately tell you with a twinkle in his eye, that Life, Work, Marriage and Parenthood are not for sissies. That while they are all hard work, they can be, and should be, incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Stephen is a past Karate World Champion, a yoga enthusiast and recovering golfer. If you opened Trip Advisor on his facebook page you will see that he has visited 81 cities in 52 countries including the USA, Alaska, Japan, Europe, Australia and China. Stephen has owned his own company, worked in his family's business, being employed by small and large businesses like Shell SA and the BTG Group. His titles include Brand Manager, Sales Manager, Account Manager, Sales Representative and Business Owner. He now sees himself as an Author, Speaker, Trainer and Coach. Stephen published his first book, "So you're engaged, now what? The journey from engaged to married" in December 2013. His ingenious marketing strategy put this book into over 2000 hands in its first 6 months. His second book "So you're alive, now what? The journey from birth to death" is available online and he is working on 5 more books in the series including "So you're married, now what?". Stephen's obvious passion and first love is Human Behavior and specifically Human Behavior as it manifests in RELATIONSHIPS. He is quick to point out that we have many differing relationships: employer, employees, customers, suppliers, colleagues, friendships, marriage, parents, siblings, children, our maker, other drivers on the roads and we generally have issues in most if not all of them. Stephen is a student of the well-known human behavior specialist, Dr. John Demartini and is constantly researching and honing his understanding of this incredibly complex subject. In 2013 he completed over 175 hours of intense training on T. Harv Eker's signature courses.

MArriage vows and the divorce rate

I am often confronted by the beauty of the wedding vows and the cold reality of the current divorce rate. I have often wondered if in fact, the wedding vows may be part of the problem. You see, we vow … Continue reading

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

What if heaven is the default?

What if heaven is the default? [this is a thought. A hypothesis. An attempt at challenging paradigmes. IT DOES NOT MEAN I BELIVE IN THE HEAVEN AND HELL MODEL] [I speak of God here as He. That does not mean … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Entitlement vs Fulfillment

Entitlement vs Fulfilment   We certainly are living in interesting times. The world is in such turmoil. Old paradigms being challenged every day. Some violently some peacefully.   Currently one of the ugly words out there (especially in SA) is … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chapter 1 of So you lost someone, now what? The journey through grief and back.

Firstly, please accept my condolences on the passing of your loved one. The fact that you are reading this probably means you are mourning the passing of someone special. I am truly sorry for your loss. I have been performing … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Compromise and the big “R”

Compromise and the big “R” I have spent hours and hours with hundreds of couples as well as the hundreds of hours in my own relationships and the word I hate the most is ‘compromise’. When I ask couples what … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


Our programming is our greatest curse. I AM ALSO A VICTIM OF APARTHEID. I was born into a racist system. I was programmed to believe I was superior. I was programmed to believe that others were inferior. My (well meaning) … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Managing your wedding day, on your wedding day

I cannot count the times I have uttered the following sentence: “John and Mary, now that you have signed the register, take a moment to be together, have a hug and a kiss before you go to meet your guests, … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment